EMBRACE REALITY EVEN IF IT BURNS YOU
I
don't know where you are or where you've been for the past 19 years but I am
here to let you know that I do not care. I have grown into a young woman
now and I did it without you. Growing up. However, I have never been so
thankful for my grandmother and my mom who played not only their role but also
the "dad" role. I have caught myself in the past wishing that you
were around for certain moments but I am honestly so blessed that you chose
mind-altering substances over me and that day when I was a baby you chose to
turn your back on your family and walk out. Probably the best and most selfless
decision you ever made. I had felt like I did something wrong. It wasn't
me though, it was you!
I do not know you, I barely remember you, if it was not for the very few pictures I have of you I would not know what you even looked like. Therefore, I can not hate you. Do not confuse this, I do not love you either.You are strictly my biological father that some would call a "sperm-donor" because you have not earned the title "dad" or "parent". You are a stranger to me, and I have no feelings for you. You resemble a fictional character I once read in a book in elementary school, who you read about but have never visually seen. An imagination.
I forgive you for leaving, for never being there, for never hearing from you. I forgive you for not being there to teach me all the things that fathers teach their daughters. I'm sure you had your reasons no matter what they were and I understand that now. Don't get me wrong I still wish that I knew you, I still wish that I would hear from you but I know I can't force that, you have to want it. But I guess we want different things and that's okay. I hope you have a good life, I hope you are happy. I also hope that maybe one day you might want to get to know the person you brought into this world. Also know I'm not forgiving you because I think you deserve to be forgiven, I am forgiving you because I deserve to live my life without the emotional mess you left behind.
I'm good now. Don't even bother about me again. I'm cool with my life now. I prefer not knowing you. My past had been burried down with the pain. Just to let you know we're happy without you. And dont even think coming back, that might hurt my mom alot seeing you again. I swear you'll be sorry for the rest of your life. I'm not soft hearted as other girl out there. You made me this way. Btw thank you for making me stronger with all those pain .
Thank you for your poor decisions that made me into the strong woman I am today. Because of you, I realized that there’s going to be people who leave with no real explanation; and that’s okay.I’ll always be OK in the end. Thank you for teaching me that the ones who walk away are not the ones I should fight to keep. Thanks to you, I strive to be a better person. Sure, I might have some trust issues, since the one person who is suppose to always be by my side walked out. But, thanks to those trust issues, I am a more cautious person.
