Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, with a mind that tries to die.
There is a pretty common
misconception that exists in today's society: Mental illness isn't real unless
it has a visible effect on your life. When I get physically sick, like a cold
or the flu, people say to me “go home, you look sick.” It’s written all over my
face, with my skin pale and my sinuses swollen, its apparent to anyone who sees
me that something is wrong. But depression usually doesn’t work this way. Most
of the symptoms are not visible to the outside world. My non visible depression
symptoms are literally in a constant loop of tears at the verge of falling, my
body aching, my mind running a million miles an hour and hurt worse than any
cold or flu symptoms. But I don’t get a go home sick pass when these
debilitating symptoms arise on the daily.
The worst part of depression
isn’t how you feel. It’s not the emptiness, the sadness, the numbness. It’s the
loneliness. And it’s not lonely because you’re alone. It’s lonely because no
one understands. No matter how much you try to explain to someone how you feel,
no matter how much they think they “get it”, they don’t. They’ll get
frustrated. They’ll ask why you never want to get out of the house. Why you’re
never happy.
It doesn’t work like that. Yes,
this is coming from me–the girl who has a seemingly “great life” in the eyes of
society. You can have a house, kids, family, money, pets, hobbies, career,
degree, etc. and still feel empty when you’ve been struck with depression.
Nothing in this life can fill the void that depression creates. Nothing can make
you happy. If something does happen to make you happy, it’s fleeting. The
happiness is temporary, and the negative thoughts slowly but surely come
surging back in. And they’re unstoppable.
Depression is smiling and
laughing in social situations, not because you’re happy or because something’s
funny, but to appease the people around you. To make them believe that you’re
okay. Depression is convincing other people you’re okay when you can’t even
convince yourself. Depression is so desperately wanting to enjoy life, but no
matter how hard you try, you just can’t. Depression is eating everything in the
fridge in two hours. Depression is feeling so sick to your stomach that you
can’t eat for two days. Depression consumes your life. You can’t explain it,
you can’t fix it, you can’t understand it, and you can’t get rid of it.
Depression takes over your body, mind, and soul. And once depression takes
over, it takes over everything, and leaves you with nothing.
Depression is like alternating
between feeling stuck in the past and worrying about the future. People who are
depressed feel as if everything is never right. People with depression wake up
and are not able to get out of bed, every second of everyday becomes a battle
to survive. They constantly want to sleep and rarely eat. They end up not being
able to think straight, and it takes over their whole life. The person just
dies on the inside and their passions go away. Even comforting words from their
favorite people become meaningless. They cry a lot for no apparent reason, at
nothing or something that is insignificant. Living becomes annoying and
everything feels like a chore. The person ends up just wanting to rot away and
hates every second of living. They end up feeling completely alone even if they
have 20 people supporting them to get better. They make themselves believe that
no one understands and that everyone just pretends to care. Gradually
depression can destroy a person.
Every type of depression or
anxiety disorder can be dangerous. You never know what someone goes through in
their own heads. No matter the life they live nobody has the right to tell
someone else that they are not depressed. Depression does not have a face and
can victimize anybody. We need to do what we can to keep our friends and family
save from falling into the trap o their own sadness. Talk to someone before
deciding your life isn’t worth living. Always remember suicide is a permeant
solution to a temporary problem
