posted by Unknown
Saturday, August 19, 2017
0 comments
Suicide does not mean there was no killer.
This is a story about what we call suicide. I do not
own this story. But this story change my suicide thought.
There’s a girl named Bella(Nabilla Natansya). She is
a beautiful girl with brown hair and no sign of piercing nor tattoo. Her style
is highcut converse pair with season jeans. Bella is close with me since she
does not have many friends or maybe I’m the only option that she has.She have a boyfriend, Farhan. I know him but he’s not
a friend, just acquaintances. We just bump into each other a few times.
27 July, Bella call me around 21:30 to meet up at TC
until 03:00. There are a lot of humans so does apes. She tell me that Farhan want a break up. Bella
burst into tears. She asked me, has she done something wrong. I just kept
silent. I just rub her back with my palms. Bella cried. Bella show Farhan last
text, Via Whatsapp; "We can’t be together . I’m sorry Nantansya. We can’t.
That’s all. Several time Bella call and text Farhan, but unreachable. Maybe Farhan
off his phone.
You
know what's even worse? 29 July is the date 4th anniversary.
Bella really fucked up. Repeatedly, Bella asked what has went wrong. Suddenly, she
ask to have some good times. I’m on because my house is empty. So I can provide
place to stay.
Actually, Bella has stop taking drugs. But that day
is a cheat day, she said. Just one shot. She’s really high. NO, I deceive she takes
a few dose. And she starts talking
random about everything. She asked me, what I wanna be when finished study.
"I want be Fazira" I say. But I don't take those stuff. I right
determined to stop. I want to came up clean. After all its not me that is broken
hearted, so why should I take it. I've got other plans. I've survived for a
week.28 July, I woke up right around 1400. Bella was still
asleep. I wake her up. But she's still asleep. I took a bath and go to nearby
stall. I bought two pack of steamed rice. I head back home. I arrived home and
she’s still sleeping. I wake her up and ask her to take her bath. When she’s
done, we had our lunch. Best moment ever, even just having a stall food. Moment
that I’ll never forget. "I want to commit
suicide "-Bella, while laughing "Make it fast"-I said. I thought Bella was just joking. Bella left my
house around 19:00. After she play some songs using my kapok guitar. No woman
no cry.
29 July, 0100 Farhan call me. Asking for Bella location.
I say, I don’t know. Farhan sound so desperate that night. Farhan said he’s in
front of Bella house. But seems like Bella is not there, It has been hour now.
He’s waiting outside of Bella’s house . Her phone is off but her car is there.
Farhan explain, their broke up is just an anniversary prank. Fuck! I can’t help
myself to just laugh. Indeed, that’s what I do all the time. Then, I drove to
Bella’s house. I saw Farhan standing with a medium size Teddy Bear and 3 blue
balloon.
I still remember Farhan fear face. I went to search
for Bella from TC up to Gambang. Farhan wait at Bella house if she came back
home. I call all of Bella friends actually just 4. That was all. I reached
Bella sister, via INSTAGRAM DM, if Bella had return to her family house in JB.
So I decided to return to my house and get some sleep. That morning I received
DM from Bella sister, She gave me her phone number and ask me to give a call. Then,
I call her ... "Along is dead. She suffocate "-Bella sister
. Bella is dead, drowned at Gambang, Waterfall Picnic. Police found Bella’s bag,
there's a Diary and a bottle. I went the hospital and watch Bella corpse. What can
I describe; it is not an ordinary human being body. It’s Pale and Bloated.
Police investigate her Diary, She wrote a quote;
" Suicide is
not the end. It is a start to a chain reaction -K9"
Something that I told her, long time ago. Police also found few verse in the
diary that Bella wanted to commit suicide. In addition, there’s Dr. Asyikin
contact number. In the diary, Bella did not write the reason why she wanted to
kill herself. So, the police take statement from Dr Asyikin. She is Bella
caunselor.
Dr Asyikin point fingers fully towards Bella’s father.
Bella have depression. She was sexually abused by her own father. The abuse
stop when Bella reach 16. But, she is still traumatized. She just share that
story with Dr Asyikin. Dr Asyikin doesn’t lodge a report because the abuse has
stop. Dr just helps in terms of spiritual. Bella’s father was arrested for 15
years and 12 strokes if I’m not mistaken. In the prison food chain, Bella’s
father is at the bottom. That's the rule.Farhan felt guilt. He call me and apologize. He cried,
just the same liked Bella cried when she lost Farhan. Bella’s mom began to be
depressed. She lost her husband and her eldest daughter simultaneously. She
feel guilty and useless because Bella being abused in her house without her knowing.
After two month, Bella’s mom commit suicide. Followed by Farhan, two weeks
after Bella’s mom.
October, I was in my deep thought and flash back
things that happen. Bella told me once about Dr Asyikin. She is Bella ex
lecturer. I meet her once when I pick up Bella from her office. Question, Why waterfall Picnic? So much
effort needed. Far to get into it. Life. I understand more about life. I understand more about
suicide.
Suicide
bomber. In fact,
Bella does not kill herself only. Bella killed Farhan. Bella killed her mom. Same
as suicide bomber, in a
certain radius, people surround will be deadth. The closer someone to the
subject, the more horrible the dead body is. Which is far from the subject,
might suffer impaired for life. Traumatized, depressed. Bella’s sister among
those who hit by the bomb debris. Flawed, there are no family touch again. Dr
Asyikin, feel guilty for not reporting the matter. Defective, living in regret.
Me, flawed, missing liver functions. Takotsubo.
Where hearts are narrowing because of electrical impulse too strong in the
heart. My heart is pouring. Bella
is killer.
I heard a lot of people is depress now. Suicidal. One
thing I’m asking from you, when you thought of suicide, look people surround
you. They are concern about you. Imagine
you’re the suicide bomber, you are in a crowd of people that loves you and
care for you. THEN, BOOM. YOU PULL THE TRIGGER.
Your death is a beginning to others suffer.
Death is never the end.
